The Power and Process of Core Values
My life is different now. Every day, I get to do the things I love, and I have clarity about not only what I want to do – but also why. For a long time, that wasn’t the case. After getting my MBA and having a career in Finance that led me to a CFO role, I found myself tired, disconnected, and unsure of who I was. Certainly not what I had hoped for my life.
Looking back, it came on slowly. For a long time, there was the excitement of learning new things, helping build companies, and advancing in my career…all things I thought I wanted. As it turned out, though, I was a long way down a path that wasn’t for me. Very little of what I was doing reflected my core values, but I didn’t realize that for a while…
Recognizing the rising angst, I spent most of my evenings asking Google to help me understand what was going on. I was fortunate to find communities that offered perspectives that resonated with me – minimalism, Stoicism, intentionality. At the core of everything I found, though, was the requirement to understand my “why.” And so, defining my core values become top priority.
What are Core Values and Why Do They Matter
Our core values are the things that matter most to us. They are our fundamental beliefs and what should guide our behaviors, decisions, and actions. Knowing your own core values gives more meaning to your life, but acting in ways that do not reflect your values is draining at best and potentially destructive.
Your core values frame how you spend your days and help you find your purpose – the highest priority that you’re working toward. With core values front and center, you’re able to set goals, make decisions, and take action aligned with who you want to be. And a life filled with clearer intention and more fulfillment is more than worth the investment.
Core values are unique to each person. Even if two people use similar words, the fundamental meaning is going to be somewhat different. We each have unique backgrounds and experiences that will shape our perception and goals in some way. Getting your arms around the specific wording and meaning of your own core values takes work, but the payoff is huge.
When you put in the work to understand your core values and how to make them actionable in your life, they will motivate you, drive your decision-making, and determine how you interact with other people. We all have core values, but not all of us are aware of what they are and how they impact our lives. Put in the time to understand your core values – you will thank yourself.
If you don’t live your core values, you’re going to live someone else’s. You are going to do something in life…your days will be filled with some type of activity. At work, at home, in school, social activities, how you spend your weekends – something is going to drive your behavior and choices. If it’s not your own values, then there’s a strong chance someone else is making those decisions for you, which is not a recipe for contentment in your life.
Decisions you make from the perspective of your core values feel better. We make a lot of decisions every day (decision fatigue is real!), and being aware of your core values helps you make the right decisions for you.
Living outside your core values is a primary source of stress. When you coordinate how you do life with who you are, you’re able to unlock a source of contentment that is not common in a world that runs on marketing, social media, and a “keeping up with the Joneses” mentality that sows discontent.
Knowing your core values allows you to maximize your life – what you bring to the table and the choices you make. I believe we all want happy, fulfilling lives, but we have a hard time understanding exactly what will make us happy. And research has shown we’re not terribly good at guessing what will bring us happiness. Core values become your internal compass to use in every situation you find yourself in. When your compass is accurate and put into action, it can point us towards the activities, people, and choices that will bring us the most fulfilment and happiness.
You will be able to better triage and prioritize. For many of us, we don’t feel like there is enough time in the day to get everything done. With so many inputs, how do you decide what gets done, how you do those things, and which people/events require your attention? Your core values.
Challenges and obstacles are less overwhelming. Your core values provide a built-in framework for how you view things that happen in your life. We will all face tough situations from time to time, and working through those times with the strength of an examined life anchored by core values will provide a way to mitigate stress.
Setting life goals becomes easier. As the saying goes – “If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there.” While the benefits of goal-setting are well-researched and communicated, I would argue that you need to set the right goals for you. Knowing your personal core values will allow you to not only set more authentic and fulfilling goals, but you are more likely to be motivated to achieve them. If your goals speak to the core of who you are, it’s easier to stay committed.
How To Identify Your Core Values
Identifying your core values is an active process; it takes time, work, and reflection. It’s deeply personal and vulnerable work that woefully few people have taken the time to do, but I certainly believe it’s an effort everyone should undertake. When we understand ourselves better, we’re able to be better parents, more thoughtful friends, more supportive leaders, and more understanding partners. Google has plenty of options for methods and processes of isolating your core values, and I would encourage you to explore and find the method that speaks to you. I’ve included some suggestions below, but please keep looking if these don’t renovate with you. If you’re not sure where to start, please reach out to me. The process of identifying core values is foundational to the work I do, and I would be more than happy to provide any support I can.
The Wheel of Life
This exercise is not strictly about your specific core values, but it is an exceptional way to begin framing how you think about what’s important to you.
The Wheel is a simple, yet powerful, tool designed to help you get a graphical representation of the current balance among different areas of your life. Once completed, you will be able to identify which area(s) you would see the most benefit from improving. Rather than isolating the specific words or phrases that will become your core values, the Wheel helps you see where you might be living in coordination with or against your values. This exercise will also help you identify which areas of your life you might spend more time on, whether through coaching or as an individual effort.
The sections in the Wheel of Life represent different aspects of your life. Score your level of satisfaction with each life area by filling in that piece of the pie to that level. You can use the 8 categories in the example below or determine the 6 to 12 most important categories in your life and create your own wheel.
Imagine the resulting shape were a real wheel – how bumpy would the ride be? As a general rule, you’re aiming for your wheel to have all segments scored approximately evenly and above 7 (and as close to 10 as possible). If you have any particularly low scores, you will likely want to make those areas of your life a priority – or at least areas for further exploration. Also consider how the areas interact with one another. Is a low score in one area the result of a low score in another area?
The purpose here is to start uncovering what areas of your life are most important to you and how you would score yourself. The exercise will force you to think about what’s important in your life, how you’re performing in various categories, what you would want your life to look like, and what changes you might put into practice.
Using the Wheel as a building block, I would recommend you turn your attention to isolating your core values.
Core Values Exercise
Gain perspective. There are a few different ways to start wrapping your mind around the words and themes that speak to you. I’ve seen apps that have you drag cards into narrowing piles, a physical deck of cards to do the same process, and videos that speak the words to you. Fundamentally, though, the process is just using a series or list of words to find what jumps out at you.
I’ve included a list of 230+ words here to provide you an excellent start, but feel free to add words or phrases that come to your mind as you work through the list.
I recommend reading through the list first, simply marking ones that carry significance for you. This first pass will likely yield around 15 or so preliminary core values.
Group into categories. Once you have your initial list, you might want to group them into categories. This process can help you reduce several words down to a single word that encompasses the theme of what really matters to you. As an example, if you highlight “commitment,” “responsibility,” “truth,” and “honesty” in your first pass, you might be able to group them into one theme of “integrity.” This is a great way to discover the theme of a group of words, but I would still start with the full list of word first.
Narrow your list. Here is where the going gets a little tougher. By this point, you likely have 10-15 words that are on the short list for your core values, but you need to shrink that list down to 3. I believe three core values is the sweet spot. Two seems too restrictive for the complexity each of us brings to the table, and four or more is just difficult to keep top of mind. I’m a firm believer in the power of three, and this process is no different.
Actionable phrases. Having a list of three words you know are you core values is a huge step, and you should absolutely be proud of the effort you’ve put in so far. That said, we’re not done! Putting your core values into practice is going to be an action in your life – not just some words you carry around in your head. In the simplest form, this step is about adding a verb to the noun that is your core value…something that better defines how you will make your core values actionable in your life. If love is a core value for you, for example, you would further refine it to something like “act with love” or “receive love with acceptance” to better frame how you will make your values active in your life.
Multiple people may have the same wording of a core value (gratitude, competence, creativity), but how the value will play out in each life will be different. This is a chance to make your core values even more personalized.
Remember. Once you’ve done all this work, I hope you feel awesome about the outcome. You now have your three core values that will define almost every decision you make. It’s big, important stuff. Don’t let the work be wasted. Find a way to keep your core values top of mind all the time. Repeat them to yourself multiple times per day. Write them on sticky notes attached to your mirror and refrigerator. I’ve even had wallet cards printed and challenge coins made as tangible reminders.
One thing to note is that this process should take time…it’s not a 10 minute exercise. While you could certainly move through the steps quickly, take your time. Days, weeks – whatever you need. I cannot underscore how important it is to have a clear vision and solid grasp of your core values. Once you’re on solid foundation with your core values, you can start taking your life in the direction you want it to go.
How to Live Your Core Values
So, you’ve identified your core values and have them posted on your refrigerator…now what? Simply understanding yourself is great, but you need to actually live out your core values for them to be effective. If you don’t, it’s just going to feel like you’re in a constant battle with everything going on in your life. It would stink to have a deep understanding of what you really want in life, then continue to do things that don’t support those values or let others make decisions for you (based on their values).
Change can be scary at first, particularly if you’ve been living a certain way for a long time…even if that way is not what you want. There’s a level of comfort in staying static. However, if you don’t make yourself a priority and move in the direction you want to go, who is? You are so worth the effort. This doesn’t have to mean quitting your job or upending your current life in one swoop. It may just mean adjusting your perspective and some of your daily actions to align with what’s important to you. I know all of this is easier said than done, though, so here some recommendations on next steps:
Start Small: If you’re not ready to make a huge leaping change, that’s okay. Pick a few (or one) area in your life where you want to make changes and pick one or two specific adjustments to make. If health is a core value, take walks or make a small change to your diet. Over time, small changes can turn into monumental wins.
Share Your Values: When we let others know the changes we want to make, we’re more likely to actually make those changes. It’s a built-in accountability system.
Get Support: An adjustment to how you live your life is a big deal…great benefits, but it’s no small feat. Seek out a partner or coach to help you frame the process and hold you accountable.
Use a System or Framework: Know that you are not alone in your journey, Others have gone through the process of making big changes in their lives, and they will be able to provide tools and processes they used to make headway. Maybe you have a friend who has made similar changes – ask them about it. Find resources online from people who are more than willing to share details and expertise about similar changes. Whether the tools you find are specific to the change you want to make or a more generic tool for life changes, find something that will work for you.
Don’t Stop at Just Your Core Values
Certainly do the core values exercise for yourself, but I recommend having your friends/family/team at work do it as well. Not only do you learn more about one another, you can learn how to support each other. Values are not something that should held close to the vest…share them widely. They are who you are, and I fundamentally believe you owe it to yourself and others to showcase the real you.
Once you’re able to share your values (and you should be able to explain them at a deep level), other people may overlay their own interpretation of your values, but remember they are personal to you. Ultimately, others may not understand us the way we understand ourselves…and that’s okay.
If you’re part of a larger team (work, home, community), consider creating a set of values for that group as well. Going through the personal work (yourself and as a team) can help the team understand the approach to define the values for the organization. As mentioned earlier, this work is vulnerable, but it’s even more vulnerable when you do it as a team. Really, though, that’s the whole point: when people are able to share themselves widely and openly, it creates the foundation for cooperation, openness, and performance. When members of a group (whether at work on not) understand one another at a deeper, values-based level, they can better support one another as well as the values of the organization they are a part of.
You Are Worth It
I know I’ve mentioned it a few times, but it’s worth repeating – you are worth the work involved in identifying your core values. This is the only life you’re going to get, and you owe it to yourself to maximize who you are. And the rest of us are excited to see and experience the real you. You will be more present and authentic for those you care about, and you’ll be building a life that you are both excited about and proud of. I want that for me, and I want that for you.
